It is always sunny in Hope. Hope, Alaska, that is. Where we got married. So goes the saying because of the town's being located in an auspicious valley, whose surrounding mountains seem to dissipate the cloud cover often hovering over Turnagain Arm. As I mentioned, we left Alaska a little over one year ago. It is a majestic place. Not simply the Last Frontier or the Great North, but a land built on reinvention and ancient wisdom, on old growth forests and new industry. A vast expanse of contraries impossible to disentangle, impossible to shed. So it is with this land in mind that our phenomenology of the farm has taken root and taken to the road.
But it is also true that hope, as concept, as idea, as notion, cannot help but be "sunny." Hope holds out beyond all other measure. I hope, for example, that I will gain a good, restful, uninterrupted night's sleep sometime before the next century! I said I'd get to the issue of my sleeping... so here it is: I haven't slept through the night for over ten years now. If I'm not getting up to pee, then I'm getting up because I can't keep myself calm enough to lay still. I get the jimmy legs with a vengeance, or I get what my husband calls 'busy brain.' I can't stop thinking, about everything and nothing. As a result, I'm the lightest sleeper I know. I "wake up" if one of my dog's breathing suddenly changes, or if one of them simply opens an eye to look at me with the you-will-get-up-so-i-can-get-a-drink-of-water gaze. Incredible! As a result, I don't think I've actually slept truly for the last ten years. Oh wait. Scratch that. I am a pro at the power nap. While prepping for class or reading for research/pleasure, I'll suddenly feel sleepy. So I close my eyes... and exactly 12 minutes later, I'm awake and back to work. So for those who know me, and I say I don't sleep, I really mean it beyond the "oh, I'm just tired today" gig. I REALLY don't sleep. At least not well and not long. I'm so tired I've simply emerged into a constant state of eyes open.
So the fact that it is always sunny in Hope is an important part not only of the day of my marriage, but of my marriage and my life in total. For over ten years I have yet to succumb to the "I'll sleep when I'm dead" motto. In fact, each night I climb into bed with at least 6-8 hours of potential sleep time awaiting me. And while each night I climb out of bed once the one hour mark has passed, and thus start the nighttime bed and dread scenario, every night is a new night. I approach every night with the hope of a silent one.
To be fair, I'm aware that it is life's stresses that chase away my sleep. (Hence, I started this blog to voice my busy thoughts and possible fixes.) And I'm further aware that I allow such stresses to be stressful! I'm thinking meditation might be in my future, but at present I'm not calm enough. How's that for irony? Nevertheless, today saw healthy production. And while it's going on to the 8 o'clock hour, with the appointed time for sleep quickly colliding with that for dinner, I'm moving my thoughts towards what I've accomplished this single day.
I've certainly done a lot of reading (I always do), and I've definitely begun to prep for my classes this week and make to-do lists for the larger projects, I've also had a satisfying day of dog time. Walking in the park, up and down the neighborhood blocks, inviting another pup for playtime in the backyard, and finally sitting in the setting sun (reading and being eaten by mosquitoes) while smiling at my dogs' last romp of the evening. How they run... boisterous circles in my sleep.
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